i barfeds in our rink
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
