Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
The adults are the big ones right?
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
