I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
