i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
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