I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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