I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
