Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
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