$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Randomize
