These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Randomize
