Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
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