i would punch a child for taco bell
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Randomize
