I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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