Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
