I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
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I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
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