thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
