just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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