fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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