You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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