Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
