the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Vodka?
Forever.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
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