we were pretty classy up until the second keg
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Randomize
