We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
