I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
