do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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