They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
