I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
