I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
