mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Soap is not a condiment
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
