Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Randomize
