Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
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