Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize
