Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
