Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Randomize
