There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Randomize
