Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
