the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
Everything about him screamed your future.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
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