I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
