My nipple is on Facebook.
Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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