never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
