I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
