how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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