i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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