If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Dicks are not precious.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
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