I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
