Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
