apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Randomize
