my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
