Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
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