I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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