Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Randomize
