oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
false alarm, still single
Randomize
