At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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