Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I would ride that face into the sunset
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
Randomize
