You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Randomize
