dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
