found the other keg... it's in the tree
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Randomize
