i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
