Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Randomize
