So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize
