dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
