Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
