you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
You pole danced in your parka.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
